BAD WORDS 2

The post yesterday reminded me of a post Robin had a while back (check it out here). I thought I might put the "sassy spray" to use in more than one way.

Roll mental camera...

I went to the store and bought the vinegar and the spray bottle. This for a Wal-mart novice like myself took way to long. But I thought I heard two white girls speaking Chinese in the next Isle over so I kept getting sidetracked. I think it was these two. Just kidding ladies.

I figured I would use it on myself as well as the kids but when I sprayed myself I rather enjoyed it and if I would have had some veggies it would have made a salad. So I guess I will keep looking for a "sassy spray" for me.

The boys on the other hand got a taste test so they would know what they were getting into if they let their mouthes get the best of them.

Watching them get the shivers and start drooling was so worth it. I needed a video of it. I know I am a little sick in the head but I think we found our cure for them at least.

Anyone want to try the sassy sauce with me to cure your foul mouth?

BAD WORDS

My parents were fairly conservative except when I would really hack them off. Then it was a different story (see this post). My mother was fairly naive about cuss words and slang in general. So you were never quite sure when she would use a word that she didn’t quite understand. My case in point…

Roll mental camera…

I was in 8^th grade and my mother taught at the same school I attended. One day I ran by her class between classes to borrow a few bucks. As I started to leave my mom kept talking and I kept walking. I wasn’t really paying attention until I was about 10 feet down the crowded hall and I heard my mother yell,

“Roger, you queer bait, get back here and talk to me.”

She had no idea what the term queer bait meant. Needless to say I took some ridicule over that for a while. I actually had to explain it to her that day after school. She didn’t mean to use a derogatory word, she just thought it meant goof ball or something.

My point is I can’t say I am naive to my kids. I know better. But even when I don’t cuss in front of them I find myself replacing it with a word like “Freaking”. Connor repeated it the other night after I said it and asked me what I meant by it.

Regardless of how harmless the actual word is the way we say it can make it a cuss word just the same. I need to work on that.

Do you have any “replacement” cuss words that you use that don’t sound any less vulgar coming out of your kid’s mouth?

Aren’t we still just as guilty replacing the cuss word but using its replacement in the same way?

Did your parents ever embarrass you with something they said?

The Tuesday Fast

Shelly has already taken the scissors to the boys hair in hopes of improving upon my masterpieces. Definitely not as cool as when I was finished with them and she is still not happy. I think I will be stuck paying for hair cuts in the future.

The lightning storm tonight was awesome. I love to just sit and watch them, especially when you don't have to worry about tornadoes. Oklahoma really needs to find a way to harness that electricity.

I will be blog fasting again tomorrow so I will check in 24 hours from now. I will be praying for all of you other fasters as well.

SHAVED

Well maybe not shaved but pretty close.

Roll mental camera...

I talked Shelly into allowing me to cut the boys hair this weekend. My mother used to cut mine all the time when I was young so I figured I would give it a shot. I think the only reason Shelly let me is because it is summer break and dad's day.

I put the #4 guard on the clippers and pretty much buzzed Connor's whole head. Cade got a cool faux hawk to complement his, lets just say ornery ways. I am not sure Shelly was impressed. Sorry honey but it is a bit funny watching you squirm every time you look at them.

It will grow out soon I promise...

Did your parents ever cut your hair?

Was the outcome good or bad?

I think Cade likes his more than Connor does.

FRIDAY UNSCRIPTED

You remember Madlibs? Those fill in the word, funny stories? Well if you don’t you missed out. So take a trip back to your childhood with my attempt at a madlib. If you don’t like it you can go (adjective) in a lake.

Write down your answers before you move on to the story because it just won’t be funny without them.

Favorite type of pet?

Favorite large animal?

Clown name?

Favorite veggie?

Favorite fast food spot?

Favorite vacation city?

Type of reptile?

Favorite body part?

Favorite website?

Favorite sport?

Favorite gem stones?

Favorite sweet?

Now once you have written down your answers you can fill them in as you read the story. Read it like a suspenseful private eye drama. Not sure how this will work for you feed readers so you might have to actually log on to see it. To see the story, move your cursor over the 1^st # sign and then left click and hold and drag to the 2^nd # sign.

I didn’t want you cheating before you answered the questions.

#

I rubbed my lucky (pet)’s foot before climbing out of my (large animal). I was searching for that (clown name) that owed me (veggie), lots of (veggie). I had tracked him to a seedy (fast food) in (vacation city). It was filled with every type of (reptile) known to man.

I walked up to him and grabbed him by his (body part). He screamed “(website)” at me as he tried to escape my grasp. Not sure what he meant by that and frankly didn’t care.

As I dragged him to the door he spun and kicked me square in my (sport). My knees buckled and I dropped to the floor holding my bruised (gem stones).

With a high pitched voice a yelled “I will give 100 (sweet) to whoever stops than man.” My offer failed and he got away. Who knew they were all diabetic.

#

Shelly is a diabetic and gave me permission to use that punch line. Have a good weekend

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say “I tried my hardest” but that only goes so far. I might have been born at night (which I wasn’t), but it wasn’t last night.

Roll mental camera…

2 weeks after one of my typists came back from a 3 week medical leave her production was still only 20% of the standard. She said she was trying as hard as she could but… but… but… I had given her almost 2 full weeks so I couldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt any longer.

From my desk I can view any employee’s computer so the next day I logged into hers. Out of the next 3 hours I watched her spend over an hour looking at a photographer’s website, over an hour on myspace.com and the rest of the time reading and responding to joke emails on her personal email account.

Now if she would have been looking at my wife’s photography website I would have forgiven her, but she wasn’t (kidding of course).

I confronted her with that the next morning and low and behold she hit the standard with no problem. Amazing how getting called out like that can miraculously cure what ails you.

I hear myself pray all the time, “God I am trying so hard but…” Could you imagine if God whipped out his bull horn and called us out every time we weren’t hitting the standard? I think His bull horn for me would only be silent when I slept.

How far are you away from the standard you think God has for you?

Ever been busted with your “hand in the cookie jar” so to speak?

What is your favorite “can’t pull the wool over my eyes” saying?

COMIC RELIEF

I was and still am what they call in the business, “the comic relief”. Not sure who they are or what business they are in but it just sounded good.

Roll mental camera…

When I was in high school I was always one to lead the homecoming skits, roasts or any other adventure that was humorous. I played many characters from Saturday Night Live including the “pathological liar”, “landshark”, “Hans and Frans”, “guy on the news desk”, and “Samurai Deli”.

I also spent homecoming week my senior year playing the role of Elwood Blues along side my female counterpart who played Jake Blues. These characters were of course from one of the funniest movies of all times, “The Blues Brothers”.

We actually lip synced (with all of the dancing and the flip) “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” from the movie during the homecoming pep rally. We of course won the competition against the other classes. I actually have a video of most of these characters and skits and if I can figure out how to get it from VHS to my computer I will post them

I have always felt that laughter is the best medicine. I have usually always been the first to try and bring levity into any depressed situation.

But until recently I always thought that I had to leave the humor out of the conversation when I was talking about faith and God. I thought you had to talk serious to get someone to listen or I might offend them. I am actually finding that I can talk to people and touch them far deeper when I can bring some humor and smiles into the conversation.

This blog and the comments have really helped me be able to tie in a good message with humorous stories. So thanks

What is your style for talking about your faith?

Do you worry your style might scare someone off that needs Christ?