Since I have 5 or 6 readers now I thought I would rewrite and replay one of my first posts to get some additional comments on it.
Roll mental camera…
A now ex-employee of mine was always broke and one day away from having their utilities shut off. I felt sorry for her because she had young children so anytime she asked for help I gave her money.
After many hand outs I finally started looking deeper. I noticed that she would eat fast food everyday for lunch and always had money for cigarettes. I also learned that her husband was a painter but rarely worked.
So I decided to stop giving the hand out and gave her a hand up. I told her that I could hook her husband up with a solid painting job and that I would give her money until then if she would bring lunch from home and stop buying cigarettes.
I never heard from her husband and she kept buying cigarettes and never asked for money again. But even after giving her that hand up, that she didn’t take, I still felt guilty. The Difficult People series really showed me that sometimes it is better to let someone fall and stop enabling.
Is it time to let someone fall in your life so they can learn how to stand?
Are you the one that needs to be let go of?
And the question that is hardest for me to answer
When do you know that someone has crossed the line from real need to freeloader status?
5 comments:
I really think that this is where the holy spirit comes in handy. :) He can guide you and lead you to give, even when it doesn't make sense or you don't even see a need. He can guide you to "cut someone off" and let them rely on God instead of you. It seems to me that if our heart is to obey God and to give out of love then we can never go wrong.
That was a tough call, but you didi the right thing. I think an indicator of being a user is someone that is not real grateful or is offended when you stop helping.
I read this one last time. I snuck back to see what my response had been and I didn't comment then. :) Sometimes it is hard to tell if they are a habitual needy person or someone that truly is in need or a hand up. I think it is too easy for some to ask and take what is given instead of working for it. I agree with that you really do have to listen to the Holy Spirit in you. Yes we are suppose to help the needy but we are also suppose to be good stewards.
It's always a tough call. Being in recovery taught me a few things - some people really know how to manipulate and do a real smooth job at it. It is REALLY hard not to take part in a codependent (hate that word) relationship but I truly believe that enabling someone to continue an unhealthy behaviour is just setting them up to hurt, live in darkness, and not suffer consequences that would otherwise lead them to truth. For the most part though, most people have a really hard time asking for help or handouts. I'm with the others however, Holy Spirit and your gut is the best way.
Another vote for the Holy Spirit.
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